Where In The World Are You??

Monday, May 26, 2008

A Lesson Learned Through Comedy...

Saturday was the night for comedy. D.L. Hughley appeared in Biloxi for a gut-busting show that was a great and much needed opportunity to relieve stress. It was also a great lesson in black culture for my boyfriend. Originally, he didn't really want to go to the show because he was afraid that he'd be the only white guy there and that D.L. would be ripping on white people the whole time. I made him go though because I didn't want to miss seeing my favorite comedian live and I didn't want to go alone.

I also thought it might be good for him to be around a room full of black people and see that he could enjoy himself. Even some of the most open-minded white people seem to be terrified of being in a room full of black people. I don't know if they are afraid because of stereotypes and what they see on tv, or if it's them simply uncomfortable with being in a situation where they are the minority. They don't realize that being in a room full of people of a different color and sometimes being the only black person there is the story of our lives.

It turns out that we both had a great time. We both laughed and my boyfriend is still repeating and laughing at some of the jokes we heard. He said that he didn't realize before how much of the black comedians' acts are focused on race but he said that he was glad that it was more of a comparison between blacks and whites versus a bashing of white people. At one point in the show, D.L. laughed at the white people in the audience though and mentioned the fact that they could never get away with saying the things that he did. My boyfriend is still questioning why that is. He agrees that neither he or any white comedian could get away with talking about black people in the way that blacks talk about whites but doesn't understand why it would be so offensive. I told him that alot of it has to do with the difference in the experiences of black people versus white people. It is very much a difference in how you experience life and the fact that we are laughing at ourselves as much as we are laughing at them.

Beyond that though, I'm not quite sure why whites are unable to say things that we as black people can say. Surely there is room for things to be said in an appropriate manner but yet as black people we would be offended if white people talked about us in their comedy routines in the way that we talk about them. Hispanics and blacks seem to have an understanding where they can talk about us and we can talk about them, but why is that different for white people? Is it simply because they are the majority or will it always go back to the days of slavery and the years before the civil rights movement. Certainly not all white people are racists. I think that there are some that want to laugh with us instead of laughing at us but still there is this double standard that we hold. Why exactly is that?

Malik S. who has appeared on Def Comedy Jam and Last Comic Standing was the opening act for D.L. Hughley. He was pretty funny too and I recognized him from seeing him on HBO. Here is his routine from Def Comedy Jam in case you've never heard of him. (Viewer discretion advised - Adult language and content.)



On a hair note...I had my first retightening done with the trainee in Louisiana. She did a great job and believes in doing things by the book in the way that Sisterlocks taught her. It was a sigh of relief for me. I do want to learn to retighten my own hair and will be taking the class at Homecoming but in the meantime, it's nice to know that you can find someone dependable even when you move all the way across the country.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

My New Life In The Bayou....

I'm finally all settled in after my long move and have hopped right into work with a vengeance. My slow work days are gone and I'm runnin' my butt off now (if only I were literally running my butt off ha!). I'm finding that there isn't much to do around here. I got spoiled being in northern California because everything I needed was right at the tip of my fingers and opportunities for entertainment were far and wide. Here, many of the businesses and residents are still recovering from Hurricane Katrina so there is alot of construction but still some visible destruction. I cannot even begin to imagine what people went through living here through that storm.

The casinos are the greatest tourist attraction in the area but I've never been a gambler. If I put money into a machine, I want money to come back out! As for card games, I already know that playing games against a computer for free can satisfy any gambling urge I might have. I don't know how true it is or not, but I've heard that statistically there are more women addicted to gambling than men. But, I think Charles Barkley is a perfect example of men that love to gamble too.

As for my hair, it's been a month since my last retightening and my hairline finally seems to be cooperating much more than it has been. Praise God!!! This is the first time that I haven't had considerable slippage at the hairline this far out from a retightening. I wash my hair every weekend usually so you can imagine that there have been some Mondays where I have looked like a hot mess! Now that my hair has grown some though, I have to admit that I'm really loving my freestyle alot more. My hair has a little more weight to it so it hangs with a little more shape and because my hair is thick I have a considerable amount of volume (at least I think I do?).

I'm so excited because one thing that is good about having the casinos here is that they sometimes do have some good entertainers coming through. I have tickets to see D.L. Hughley this coming Friday night!! Whoo Hooo! He's my favorite comedian. I'm forcing my boyfriend to go with me. It's interesting; he didn't seem to want to go because D.L. (pretty much all black comedians really) talk about and crack jokes on white people. I said that he being down here in the south with me is a good opportunity for him to really get in touch with black culture.

Alot of people won't get involved with interracial relationships but I always have just because of some of the things I enjoy or where I've lived or worked. I've dated brothers too, just let me be clear. One of the challenges of having an interracial relationship with someone who is purely Mr. Wonder White Bread is having to somewhat educate them on what's appropriate and inappropriate to say to or around black people. Of course we know some things are obvious and he knows those things but unfortunately some of the stereotypes or things he sees on tv is what he assumes to be true for all black people. Some things are pretty much dead on because let's face it some of us do know certain things to be true like knowing that a sistah is a strong opinionated woman that is not to be messed with, while other things like foods we like or attitudes we have can be all over the map.

I've always been patient in helping boyfriends and friends to learn more about and understand black culture but he has to be receptive to the lessons that I give and Kevin takes things I say too jokingly. I always have to warn/remind him that certain things he says about black people and other races are going to get him his a** kicked one day if he's not careful. I have a feeling that I'll be the one laughing the most at D.L. Hughley, but the cultural experience of being surrounded by black people with a black man running the show and yes, cracking jokes about white people will be a priceless one for him.

I've come to peace in my mind that this relationship is most likely not going to work out though. It's just a matter of timing before I let it go. I've come to a point where my feelings have changed and he is seriously just lacking in relationship tools. When I try to approach the subject he says I'm nagging but I'm kinda like "Really...you might just want to listen because you just don't know how close I am to dumping you right now!!".

I was completely single, and I mean without even one date for three years single, before I met Kevin and that was such a good experience for me even though I didn't see it that way at the time. I learned to be okay with being alone. Sure, there were times when I got lonely; of course!! But, I also learned that solitude can be a beautiful thing. I'm okay involved or single and with how I feel about myself right now....I don't think it will be another 3 years before I'm dating again. Oooh, somebody stop me!!

Alright, enough for now. I took a few pictures of my new "neighbors" that I thought you might enjoy. They have somewhat become my adopted children as I feel the need to feed them almost everyday.













Monday, May 5, 2008

Oh The Places We've Gone Part II: A Special Post for quietspirit

Sometimes I wonder if or how many people are actually reading my blog and without receiving comments I never really know. I'm delighted to do this post for quietspirit who let me know that she enjoyed reading about my cross country trip from Northern California to Southern Mississippi. There was only one request, that I do a post that includes all of the maps from each day's journey. Well here you go quietspirit, this one's for you!!!

A Recap:

Day One: Walnut Creek, CA to Blythe, CA


Day Two: Blythe, CA to El Paso, TX


Day Three: El Paso, TX to San Antonio, TX


Day Four: San Antonio, TX to Southern Mississippi


And here's a view of the whole trip:


Whew!! It makes me tired all over again just looking at it!! I started back to a very EARLY workday today but it was a great day because I awoke to absolutely no boxes left to unpack! I'm nestling in and depending heavily on my GPS (and the boyfriend) to get me where I need to go.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Oh The Places We've Gone

Ahhh...I'm finally in my new home. I decided to be a road warrior yesterday and finish the trip in 4 days. I'd scheduled my time so that my last 2 days would be light leaving me only 3 hours on that 5th day (today). I felt good yesterday and decided that I wanted to sleep in my own bed and unload the car only one last time! I must have caught that second wind because I got through the day feeling good and satisfied in my new place.

The unpacking and nesting has begun but I'm already almost done! It's off to work on Monday so the voyage has definitely come to an end.

Hey hey to any Louisiana and Mississippi locked sisters out there!! I know that my hair is going to love the humidity here, and it's so wonderful to know that I never have to worry about "sweatin' my hair out"! Wasn't that funny back in the day??

This move will hopefully be a new start for me in more ways than one. I'm hoping to get a better handle on my physical health....yes, I'm going to say it...I need to get my weight under control. While I know that men say that they like a woman with a little meat on her bones, somehow I think they mean just a ribeye and I've grown into being a porterhouse steak!! ha ha

I saw my boyfriend for awhile tonight and I have to admit that things didn't go as I'd hoped. I think sometimes that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but at other times absence makes the heart grow wiser. I've been making a lot of changes in my life lately; learning more about myself and even loving myself even more. I want be be a good woman to a good man. When those closest to you aren't growing along with you in the relationship then of course the relationship changes. This is my first serious, "long" relationship at 2 years and counting so this is a learning process for me. I'm learning alot about how men and women are so very different but right now I'm pondering when is that difference too great. At what point do you know the difference between a man just "being a man" and where the real man starts? Anyway, that's my current dilemma.

Years ago, if I thought about possibly facing the end of a relationship I would be crushed and fear the loneliness of it all but I'm much stronger now. I know how to depend on God and that it can be nice to be alone and spend time with myself and with God. I don't fear loneliness because as many married friends have told me, you can be married or in a great relationship and still be lonely. I'm somewhat confused and I think that I have a decision to make.

A question to all of you...what's your experience been in this area? Where do you draw the line of what things are just men being men vs. someone just not having the right tools to keep the relationship moving in a forward direction? I'd love to hear your voice on this one!!