Legacy vs. Technology

My mom and I have had our ups and downs over the years. While we love each other deeply, we're so much alike that we often find ourselves in conflict with each other. There have been times when we've said hurtful things to each other and other times where we've laughed together, and cried together. One thing that I can always say though is that no matter what, my mother has always been there for me, whether I wanted her to be or not.

I've always found myself envious of my mom's relationships with my two sisters because it seems that they always seem to have more in common with each other and I've often felt left out. Each of them have closets upon closets full of clothes, shoes, and handbags. They are always manicured and pedicured and known for their style. I on the other hand absolutely hate shopping for clothes and would rather spend my time in a bookstore or electronics store on any given day. I'm the "techie" in the family and growing up in a household full of women, I've always joked that I'm the "man of the house" because when things need to be put together, fixed, or troubleshooting needs to be done, everyone calls me. I used to be the one that shoveled the snow and raked the leaves too.

A few weeks ago, my mother called me with some news that would forever be a special bond between only the two of us. She completed the Los Angeles Marathon. She'd come to cheer me on in the Chicago Marathon in 2002 and was inspired to someday complete her own race. My response when she told me was of course, "WHAT??? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT?? I WOULD HAVE COME TO SUPPORT YOU!!" She admitted that she was afraid that if she didn't finish she felt that she would be letting me down. I was and am still so proud of her. I wish that I could have been there but I understand her fear. I also feel proud that I could inspire her in the way that she has inspired me so many times before.

My mother is an overcomer. She gave birth to my oldest sister before finishing high school, had my older sister while attending nursing school and I made my grand appearance just 3 years later. In only 2 years time, my mother found herself divorced and a single mother of 3 young girls with no help from anyone. She worked hard to raise us and we never wanted for anything. We had the best education that she could provide and were raised in the church so that we could come to know and depend on God as she had. She is quite an amazing woman.

I drove down to Los Angeles to spend some quality time with her this past weekend. On Sunday, I went to church with her and was touched by a special moment in the service when the newly born babies were brought to the altar to be christened and dedicated to God. The pastor ceremoniously asked the mothers to hand their children over to the baby's grandmother or godmother. He then told the grandmothers and godmothers to hand the babies back to the mothers. He said that this was a symbol of legacy and the idea of the passing of knowledge and experience of the grandmothers and godmothers to the mothers. For some reason, that particular moment resonated with me deeply as I thought of the many lessons that my mother has passed down to me; valuable lessons that I treasure everyday.

On Saturday, I sat my mom down for a heart to heart talk. This past year had been particularly hard on our relationship and we'd been more distant with each other than ever before. I'd been really angry with her for a variety of reasons but had forgotten to look in the mirror at my own faults. With time, and the help of God and my boyfriend, I faced some hard truths about myself and asked God to help me make the changes within myself that I needed to make to save these relationships in my life.

I joined a support group for people with bipolar disorder and learned that I'd been putting unreasonable expectations on those people closest to me. I expected them to understand me and the disorder in a way that they would never be able to. In doing so, I was isolating them and not realizing that they were going through their own experience in trying to be a support person for me, and I was not understanding them from their point of view. In finding people that I could connect with about my bipolar disorder, I was able to forgive myself and my mother for the things that we'd done that had caused so much hurt and so many scars to us over the years. My mother and I realized that we'd learned things from each other and I realized that I am truly blessed to be the recipient of her legacy.

Saturday gave me the chance to be a teacher. My mom has been wanting an mp3 player and while I don't have an iPod, I'm very happy with the player that I have and thought that it would be easy enough for her to operate. We scoured the electronics stores and finally found what we were looking for, the Sandisk Sansa View. I assured her that I would indeed help her to rip her cd's onto her hard drive, organize them into playlists if desired, then finally sync the data onto her Sansa. To her, I was speaking in Russian but I promised that everything would be okay.

As we sat down at the computer, I realized that my mother's computer skills are functional for her everyday uses at work but she lacks some experience when it comes to keeping up with some of the computer trends. Needless to say, the evening was quite an ordeal as Mom was quickly overwhelmed by the process of ripping the cd's. I couldn't blame her because her computer was desperately in need of some troubleshooting so the process was inching along much slower than normal. It became obvious that teaching her this process was going to take much longer than what we could cover in one weekend.

I scolded her for buying her desktop and laptop computers without consulting me first and we laughed about it. I teased that both she and my sister don't like to listen to me (they accuse me of being a know-it-all) yet as soon as they have a problem they come to me to solve it. We laughed about the experience and it felt really good to be able to teach and inspire my mom as she has done for me so many times. Needless to say I brought her laptop home with me along with a duffle bag full of cd's and am ripping them now as we speak.

I am my mother's legacy and it brings me great joy to give back to her even a portion of what she's given to me. I love you Mom and I will always be there for you as you have been there for me, but remember, you better be nice to me or you're going to end up in a home someday! ha ha ha